Confusion

Don’t you just hate it when no one understands you? When you’re crying out for love and affection and no one heeds your call? When trying to axel in something you alternately fail no matter what you do or how you pursue your success? When you feel so insignificant how can you possibly want to live? I do. Sometimes I think the world would be a better place without me. Occurrences in my life have terminated me to think I am useless, that maybe my father is right after all.

Life is so complicated, no one can ever fully understand its full meaning, and no one can ever fully understand one being in this world so why do they try? Do they try finding faults in on being to fell better about their own existence? To try and feel better about themselves when they’re loosing their own grip? To make someone feel worst than they do so they’ll have the assurance they’re not ‘that bad’?

No person should not be called names, be physically abused, emotionally scared and be socially outcaste of a community for having their own thoughts and ideas, because to me the person who does the name calling, is an ignorant fool who does not open their eyes to the new world, the world of equality and individuality Because no one is considered crazy for being able to think for themselves.

They may have excuses that to them you are wrong and all hey wish to do is teach you right from wrong, but what if they’re wrong, if what they’ve believed in and kept to has put them in the position they now find themselves in, not allowing a person to be themselves isn’t acceptable, parents want their child to be everything they wanted to be, everything they couldn’t achieve, but maybe just maybe, that child has their own way of doing so, if parents want their child to be a copy of them how can that child be any greater?

Freedom is a right which I’m being banned from and it is slowly suffocating me. I wish I led a normal life, where my parents would cherish my presence, where they’d be pleased to hear my ideas so to understand me, spoil me, love me, but most importantly be proud of me for whom I am, which isn’t my case. I think parents forget even their children have feelings as they get so caught up in their own emotions they turn selfish only considering themselves, if I am as they say a ‘bug’, a ‘waste of space’, ‘useless’ then why am I alive? If the people who are meant to love you no matter what don’t give two fucks about you then what’s the point? Someone tell me because I frankly see none.

So I ask what is left for a person who has their most important years of life, in need to of guidance and understanding to become a stable person stripped away from them. What do they do?

I am only 14 but I think I’ve seen enough, if what life has in store for me is anything like what I’m experiencing now, plans and friends will not be enough to keep me going, and I will run away, an act of cowardice and lack of character I know but its one out of two options, the second has there’s no turning back. The hating, cold person I am today, I owe it to my parents.