Learning from my mistakes

As a young girl, I grew up in a loving family; a Christian family and my parents ensured that we all grew up in a God fearing way, making sure that we learned how to pray and read the bible every day. They ensured that we had good education and that we grew up in a stable and happy home where we lacked nothing basic…but my spirit of adventure and freedom wanted more, I felt like a prisoner staying at home with all the rules and curfews; I wanted to be like a bird, to be left to fly alone. Immediately when I completed high school, I left home to go to college in the city and just after my college I made up my mind never to go back home but to stay in the city and make my own life. I felt like going home was a complete no for me, I was a big girl now I thought. So at a young age of 21 I settled on my own at a small house in Ngara Estate in Nairobi. I secured a job at The Kenya Broadcasting Corporation and it was while working there that I met this young man; Kelly. Kelly was handsome, young and with a good job. I fell in love with him and felt like I was in heaven. Everything was perfect, he treated me like a lady and after five months of dating, I thought it was time to move in together. Not saying a word about it to my parents, I started living with Kelly at his house in Langata. Everything went well and after a couple of months I found out that I was expecting his child.

The news came to us both as a surprise but we decided to make a future together and take care of the baby that was growing inside me. Little did I know that these were just my plans, Kelly had other plans, and a future with me is what he did not anticipate for. All this while, Kelly was cheating on me and I found this out when one day I came home from work earlier than usual after a show I was supposed to shoot was canceled and when I knocked on the door, I was met by a strange woman who by the look of things, she was ready to spend the night in my house. Just as she opened the door, Kelly appeared from behind her half dressed and asking “honey who is at the door?”

At seeing me, he got a terrified look but I didn’t wait to see more, I dashed down the stairs with him following me and asking me not to leave and that we needed to talk. I was mad; tears were trickling down my face and couldn’t see clearly. All I remember is that I slipped and rolled down the stair case, I remember the sharp pain and saw darkness. The next time I woke up I was in hospital and just as I had suspected I had lost my baby. I felt pain, and betrayal and sadness which I cannot explain to date. I felt anger and hatred and loathe and I resorted to quit the relationship. After I recovered, I packed my things and moved to a small house in Umoja but the anger of being betrayed and the pain of losing my child was too much, I slipped in to severe depression. I didn’t feel like going to work, eating or even taking a bath. I stayed locked up in my house all day and the one day that I decided to go to work I found out that I had been fired. I went back to my house, bought a bottle of liquor and sat on the floor crying bitterly. I took one sip of the vile brew and it felt awful but it made me feel better. Just as I was taking another sip, I looked up on my bed and I saw a bible…with trembling hands I reached for the bible and opened it up and amidst my tears I turned to the book of Job and read the story.

I read the bible till I fell asleep and something about it gave me peace, I felt relieved like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. In the morning when I woke up, I felt stronger and more positive and I knew that only I had the ability to change my life. I had renewed hope, I knew that all was not lost and so I called my mum and told her that I was missing home and that I had lost my job. And just like any mother would do, she told me to come back home and when I arrived she received me with open arms. She embraced me and assured me that I always had a home where people loved me and that I could always count of my family. From there I told my parents that I wanted to go back to school and they honored my wishes and that’s when I enrolled to Moi University to pursue my degree. I look back now and I see how much time I wasted with Kelly, but I was bent on making it anew. And now, I’m blessed with a good job and I am still pursuing my education. I have learned that it is not too late for me to chase my dreams and I do not see my past as my failure, I see it as a lesson and a stepping stone to getting me to who I am right now.

My experience has put me in a better position to talk to other people in distress or in a situation similar to mine and has made me a stronger and powerful girl. I now speak to girls my age, younger and even older and I have made it my mission to empower women all over, to teach them not to let a man trample over their dignity and to help them chase their dreams. I love my life now and I know I have a great future. I have learned to trust in God more and to lay all my cares to him because only he holds my future. I am stronger and better and more confident and I see a bright
future ahead of me and in my heart I always recite the verse from the bible; “for I know the plans I have for you” says the lord “plans for good and not for evil, to give you a hope and a future.” and this has been the guiding principle in all I do.