“Stinkin’ Thinkin’”

What is it and what has been my experience with this thought concept? It is the answer that lies in what every person believes caused the event realizing that the Activation event (A) PLUS our Beliefs (B) equal the consequences (how we respond). A+B=C

Our upsets are NOT so much caused by our problems but as by what we THINK about our problems. When my thinking is full of irrational beliefs, I feel awful. Even when there’s no need to.I like the way the book quotes, “Everywhere I go, there I am”.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ is not based on reality. These irrational thoughts are the automatic chatter in the inner critic (keeper of negative beliefs of one’s self). It’s your own self harsh judgment and damning beliefs, they seem so real all the time. I struggled with this negative self-talk all my life. “I can’t do it”, “I don’t know this”, “If you try you will fail”, “You can’t remember therefore you can’t learn”, “People are talking about you and laughing at you, saying how dumb you are”, “I can’t ask any questions because they’ll be stupid and they don’t have time for you”, “You never made it to 7th grade, what makes you think you can do college, let alone get a job”, “You’re too old to learn”, “You’ve been an addict for so many years, that’s all anyone and everyone will ever see you as”, “Why are you trying? You can’t finish, you know you’re stupid”, “You’ll never be anything, so don’t even try to prove it right again, then people will really confirm what you and they already knew.”

“If you do complete school you won’t be able to get a job because of your past and your record. Then they have to go by experience which you don’t have, and your intelligence and knowledge which will fail you”, “You’re health isn’t what it should be to even start work”, “You’re lazy, you haven’t worked in years”, “You’ve never been independent or held a job for more than a year”, “You’ll have all kinds of reasons and excuses on which to not do any of the things required of you to succeed.” “You have too much fear, it’ll stop you dead in your tracks, it always has”, “All these negative aspects I’ve mentioned will all show themselves, Employers will see your fears and so will other employees. They’re going to see you as incompetent and never hire you”, “Then commitment, you’ve never really been committed to anything but your addiction”, “You’re not responsible and that puts fear in you.” My fear is very paralyzing. Telling myself that I don’t or could never be what it takes to do this or have that.

A whole life of negativity, mostly from myself but received from others quite a bit too. I had to quit school having a child at age fourteen, being molested, being an addict and going through divorce all contributed to my own negative self-worth. It’s so overwhelming. Every day, my mind and/or brain spins out of control and I hear nothing and shut down my hearing and comprehension. All these things have taken over my life to the point that I’m on medications for anxiety and panic disorder, depression, insomnia, Etc.

And even with my medications, it still can be overwhelming very quickly. It’s debilitating to say the least. I have to take on minute at a time and sometimes even then it’s overwhelming. I tend to look too far ahead and spin out of control in my thoughts. It’s a daily practice. I have to remember to slow down and stay in the moment, one class, and one hour at a time. So these are my struggles and experiences in “stinkin’ thinkin’”. This is very easy to write about because this is what I know best and I struggle to change my stinkin’ thinkin’ into a positive experience every day of my life. When I get overwhelmed, my defense mechanism is to shut down and sometimes it’s hard for me to rebut. I am very dependent and I don’t think I can do anything by myself without failing.