Topic That Is Being Persuaded: The Meaning of Love.

Topic that is being persuaded: The meaning of love. Main Point: Misconception of love, what people need to do. Theme: Love Introduction/ Attention getter: I love you so much that I would do anything in this world for you. I love you so much that I can’t stand being away from you. Without you in my life all I feel is pain. Not a second goes by that you aren’t on my mind. You are mine! Every single friend that you have and is a guy, I want you to cut them off. Delete every number you have that belongs to a guy. Don’t talk to any other guy except for for me. If I find out you are then I am not going to be happy. You’re job is to make me happy and me alone. Trust me it’s for your own good! Believe me if I didn’t know any better I wouldn’t have these rules in place. Our marriage is falling apart because of you.

You know that right!? This is the last time! Don’t take it to heart I’m saying all of this because I love you, you know that right? Thesis Statement (opening to argument) This is what someone who hasn’t realized that this is the wrong kind of love to try and give. People try to love but often many times are confused on what love really means. Trying to love some is never making them feel like a prisoner. In a relationship your significant other should feel as just that, your significant other. You’re partner, you’re other half. Someone you can trust with all of your heart and even your life. When it comes to this particular subject some people are in fact actually not in love but they are in love with the idea of being in love. This is never okay because the relationship will never work and there will be a constant feeling of commitment from one party when the other feels trapped with no escape.

The only option is to say…. that we’re done, I can’t do this anymore. Many people have this problem but won’t do anything about it for the reason that they don’t want to hurt their partner. Now, what exactly is the definition of love? The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines love “as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties” or “attraction based on sexual desire”. Needless to say; this is much too vague. Love has so many more definitions and is different from many people’s perspective. Some people say that love is something to be afraid of or that love is the kind of feeling that will make you break down in times of great emotional turmoil. Some may say love is the greatest emotion in the world. Very often, people will say that their love is so strong that they would search every corner in the universe for an eternity just to find that special person.

Further, I believe that love is an emotion unparalleled to this world and the next. It’s not about attractiveness, physical features or anything having to do with the sight of the eyes. It’s what a person feels inside when they are with their significant other and when they are not. No matter the distance no the matter time; in each other’s heart there is a feeling security and protection. However, what people fail to realize is that there is a significant difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. Falling in love is easy of course but loving someone is in a category of its own. When a person is in love with someone they are or they are not in love. Whereas the word loving is in the present progressive which is continuously evolving.

A husband simply cannot wake up one morning and decide not to love his wife , it is a continuing process. There are essentially four stages a married couple will go through. Romance, disillusionment, misery and awakening joy. When in the romance stage these people have fallen heavily in love. They are infatuated with that person and have the thought of them constantly on their mind when they are apart and they know in their heart that they are perfect for each other, no matter the little differences that seem to separate them and believe that their lives will be incredible. Although, during this stage the upkeep of trying to make that person believe that the persona they have shown to them is who they really are. When in fact, it is not. Someone’s greatest fear is that their true identity will be shown after so long of concealing it. This is where the disillusionment begins to set in. Within some point the true identity begins to reveal itself. The hidden faults and imperfections start to materialize because comfortability is given way to the relationship.

All those in the romance stage stop the upkeep of having to constantly project the persona of who they wanted to show. The realization that their significant other is not who they portrayed to be comes to fruition. Many marriages end in divorces because of this. However, those that don’t come to the third stage which is misery. Couples will begin to look for advice in friends, close ones and even counselors. This is where people fall out of love but many fail to realize that it is possible to fall back in love. The pain, suffering, disdain and feelings of trepidation is often too much to handle and never get back to that love they once had. Falling back in love with someone is powerful. Although, it takes a lot to get back to that love. It takes time, forgiving and patience. The most important part though, to getting back to this love, is an apology. This cannot be just any kind of apology. It needs to be one with no constraints. None of the “oh I’m sorry but or I’m sorry however there are somethings things that I’d like to talk about with you.

No, the apology needs to be one where everything falls on yourself. Nevertheless, this rarely happens. The idea that saying it is all my fault is too much to handle. When this happens, actualization that Wow! I am an absolute piece of garbage will come into existence. This is often too much to bear for some people because they don’t want the fault to heavily be on them. Finding a way to not have the blame be all on them is much easier than putting it all themselves. Eventually, the frustration, anger, and non- communication will be too much and married couples will consider divorce. In contrast, it is possible to get to the fourth and final stage married couples can go through which is awakening joy. If help is sought after, eventually skills, tools and strengths are learned to help better have a long lasting relationship. Married couples learn that marriage and love simply does not follow the romance and happy ever after idea that so many films, books, stories and media set out to make it be.

Instead, they learn to better appreciate one another, communicate, listen; to have positive unconditional love! Awakening joy can change the atmosphere of a relationship drastically. It will change the living conditions, the way each other speaks, and it will change the idea that love is perfect to the idea that love is not perfect but that love can be resilient, strong, and honest. I believe strongly that the reason so many married couples around the country go through these stages is because they do not speak the same love language. Dr.Gary Chapman the author of “The 5 love languages” illustrates that each person’s love language can differ drastically. The primary love language of one person can be totally different than the next. These languages are like the dialects spoken around the world. If someone speaks english and is then confronted by a person who speaks chinese it will be very difficult if not impossible to understand what they are saying.

Yes, of course pictures can be drawn, hand gestures made, facial expressions expressed but it will be completely incomprehensible and difficult to understand the full spectrum of the message they are trying to get across. In total, these love languages include (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch). For some, words of affirmation hold great value in words such as I love you or a even a compliment, spending time together is a sign of the undivided attention given to the relationship. However, in some aspects one person’s primary love language could be that of receiving gifts where a tangible gift might be given to make their spouse to make them feel appreciated. In comparison, actions may speak louder than words and doing acts of service will show that they really care and understand that life can be hard and a helping hand would be appreciated.

The last language, one of great significance, physical touch, as it is very important. Humans long for affection and this may not necessarily be always touchy and feely but rather in the sense that they will feel loved and safe. With this mind it may take awhile for anyone to figure out his and her love language but this is what people need to do if there is going to be a long lasting relationship. No more thinking that love is perfect, marriages are easy and the idea that it will be easy. Stop faking and be real with who are as a person!. The facade that goes on in the first three months of the relationship needs to stop!

The love language needs to be found! With knowing this knowledge people need to be investing time into finding out how to love their spouse with unconditional positive regard and will need to learn how to better be a better listener, be more appreciative, thoughtful and real with themselves and who they are as a person. Thinking about how I love her not because she’s sweet, funny, kind and beautiful but I love her because she helps me grow as a person, she helps me find light in life and she loves me for who I am. Someone who has now finally realized the difference between being in love, loving and trying to love will say “I’m sorry for how I have spoken to you. I’ve been thinking recently, talking with some friends and family and perhaps now I know what it means to love and how to do it.

You see I’m sorry for making you feel like a prisoner, trapped and isolated for my own selfish feelings. I have realize that I may not be the best person but I am willing to learn…… I’m being upfront with my feelings now. Our lives are falling apart because of me. I haven’t given much appreciation to you or took the time to give you my attention. I want to get us back on track! In reality, I am only afraid that the only reason you would leave is because you don’t love me. Now, with this information in mind it is futile for everyone to learn how to love their significant other so that they may have a joyous and long lasting relationship. Thank you