Returning back to school

I been trying to go back to school for years but I’ve been scared because I have always look at myself as slow and dumb; but I have been talking to god to help me and give me the straight to go back and he keeps showing me things every day. My kids have been trying for years to get me to go back so I would stop saying all the time I wish I could go back and they would always say; mama there is no reason why you can’t go back to school, we’re all grown up and out of your house 2008 was my last permit job I had. Working temporary was hard when you don’t have a degree or masters they only let you work long enough until they bring somebody in with no experience and a degree.

I received another temporary job in April, I was approached this month about a permit lead position, my boss told me to put the amount of money that I think that I’m worth and all the effort I put in to come up with the amount I thought I was worth, just kicked me in my head and I was told without a degree I wasn’t going to get paid any higher. So it doesn’t even matter that I have over 25 years of experience; but I was told if I had a degree I could get more money. So I decided to better myself and go back to school and try to work hard to make something I will be proud to wake up to everyday.

Stop telling myself all the time that I’m not dumb and slow and just need to take more time to understand things and slow down and listen more closely, read things out a couple of times to make sure it make sense, so when I need to type a letter or email I want have to ask somebody to help me and read it to make sure it makes sense and my words or correct and my grammar.

I have always told my kid’s life is to short and if you work hard at what you want in life you can do it. But you have to trust in God and ask for Him to guide you it the right path and give you the straight to stay focus on what you need to do. Because I know I can do all things through god that strength me. Trying to understand this going back to school, it’s so hard for me. It have so much reading, I am try to focus on all this reading and the essay try to make the words come to life without the stress. I am looking forward to a wonderful life for me and my family as soon as I finish, a chance to buy a new house, new car for me and my husband for us live the life I have always dream about in my sleep also to help my kids out when they need it.

All my school years I was in special Ed and the counselors told me that I need to be in these classes because I need one on one help, but really the truth I didn’t get any help and lot of time I had to try to do my work on my own and it was so hard to keep my head in the books, that why it was so difficult for me to get up the straight to go back to school, doing my first essay was the hard, because the first thing that comes to mind is that I am going to fail. But I am looking towards to the future, billing a life for my grandchildren with everything, us traveling from places to getting them bikes and all toys that I was not able to do for my kids when they were little, a chance to also travel places with my kids that I haven’t been able to do.