Frozen Cow Juice v. Your George Washingtons

From its birth in the 4th century, conceived in the mind of the Roman Emperor Nero, and King Tang of China in the 6th century, ice cream has reined a coveted and lusted after delicacy, with vanilla its king. However, with this current economic position, money is one thing Americans cannot afford to waste. Is it possible to find a delicious-tasting ice cream without taking out a small loan? A blind study was conducted to answer just that question- which brand of vanilla ice cream is best for your money? The contenders: Giant foods, Bloom foods, Breyer’s, Edy’s, and Haagen ~ Dazs. Among the standards are fat grams, cost, and creaminess.

The Raw Data

Starting with the number of calories per ounce we see that Bloom has an early lead with just 30 calories per ounce. Coming in a close second, Breyer’s has just a mere two calories above the leaders. Finishing fourth and fifth, respectively, Edy’s with 35/oz and Giant with 38/oz. Now, with a whopping 63 calories per ounce, Haagen ~ Dazs comes in last place. To put the amount into perspective, the caloric equivalent of the 63 calories per ounce is a Burger King Whopper1.

Moving on the next and last health related criterion, fat grams per ounce, we find a four way tie for first between the ice creams with Giant, Bloom, Breyer’s, and Edy’s all with just 2 fat grams per ounce. Once again in last place, Haagen ~ Dazs comes in with an artery-clogging number double the amount of the other ice creams at 4 fat grams per ounce, the same amount as greasy McDonald’s French fries2.

In the next measuring factor, cost, we find Bloom in the lead once again at a small cost of just $0.05 per ounce. Coming in slightly behind Bloom are Giant- $0.07, Breyer’s- $0.08, and Edy’s- $0.09. As you might have guessed the organ deteriorating Haagen ~ Dazs is in last place once again with a gargantuan cost of $0.29 per ounce! That’s almost six times the cost of Bloom’s, tying with the price per ounce of a household bottle of fine wine!

Now breaching the “cr�me de la cr�me”, the real purpose for eating ice cream, the taste, we begin with the “vanilla-ness”. Before delving into this standard of judgment, let me explain what “vanilla-ness” means. “vanilla-ness” is evaluated upon how much the ice cream tastes like what it’s supposed to taste, in this case vanilla. The other tier to this component is how well the flavor would do when introduced to other flavors, or, in other words, its compatibility. Essentially, will the ice cream dominate the flavor arena? Now, the scores. Once again Bloom takes the lead with a score of 5.25, but in a tie, Giant also scores a 5.25 for “vanilla-ness”. In a solo-second, Edy’s scored a 3.5. And in last place we have Breyer’s and Haagen ~ Dazs both with 1.75.

In the category of creaminess, Giant, Edy’s, and Haagen ~ Dazs, with its first win, all take first place with a score of an even 6 each. Coming in second we have Breyer’s with 4 points and in its first last place, Bloom with 2 points.

Moving on the fifth and final criterion sweetness, we find for the third time in a row, Giant wins with s score of 6. In a close second, Haagen ~ Dazs and Edy’s score an even 4. And in last place Bloom and Breyer’s score a 2.

The Results

The data has been compiled and brands have shown dominance, but has the ultimate vanilla ice cream for your wallet been found? All of the criteria were ranked from 1 to 3 based on the level of importance the ranks are as follows: calories and fat grams 3, cost and “vanilla-ness” 2, and creaminess and sweetness 1. (For more information on the ranking and scoring see table 1) Marcel Boulestin once said “the pleasure of eating something because it is expensive has absolutely nothing to do with the taste of good cuisine.”3 The overall winner of five criterion with a score of 25.75 is Giant vanilla ice cream, proving that a generic and less-known ice cream can and is actually better than an expensive, luxurious ice cream. However, if you’re a Heather Healthy or just looking to cut down on fattening foods, you’d be better off buying Bloom or Breyer’s, both with a perfect score in the calories and fat grams criteria.

Or if you’re just looking to save some dough, Bloom is the ice cream for you at just $0.05 per ounce. If you don’t mind splurging for the sake of flavor Giant is still your best bet with a perfect score in each of the “flavor” criteria. However, it doesn’t matter what your plans are Haagen ~ Dazs, the giant in the ice cream industry, tanked in every criterion! Now, while I’d like to say that this blind study was a foolproof study, but, like every study, this one has warnings and limitations. The biggest limitation was that of temperature and quantity. As expected all of the ice cream samples were not the exact same amount, causing the smaller portions the melt faster than the bigger portions. This melting could, and possibly did, create a false sense of creaminess. Flavor shouldn’t be only for those with a civilization of greenbacks in their wallets, but should be for everyone, a mutual bond. However, I say, why buy vanilla? Go out and buy a carton of chocolate ice cream from your local Giant!