Expressing Positive and Negative Emotions

TO ASSERT — To state an opinion, claim a right, or establish authority. If you assert yourself, you behave in a way that expresses your confidence, importance or power and earns you respect from others. – From the Oxford English Dictionary Assertiveness is standing up for your right to be treated fairly. It is expressing your opinions, needs, and feelings, without ignoring or hurting the opinions, needs, and feelings of others. Because people want to be liked and thought of as ‘nice’ or ‘easy to get along with’, they often keep their opinions to themselves, especially if those opinions conflict with other people’s. But this sometimes leads to being taken advantage of by people who are not as nice or considerate. Asserting yourself will stop others from cheating you and you from cheating yourself out of what you deserve. Assertive behavior includes:

•Starting, changing, or ending conversations
•Sharing feelings, opinions, and experiences with others
•Making requests and asking for favors
•Refusing others’ requests if they are too demanding
•Questioning rules or traditions that don’t make sense or don’t seem fair
•Addressing problems or things that bother you
•Being firm so that your rights are respected
•Expressing positive emotions
•Expressing negative emotions

What Are the Benefits of Assertiveness?:
Assertiveness affects many areas of life. Assertive people tend to have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, which translates into much less stress in their lives. They get their needs met (which also means less stressing over unmet needs), and help others get their needs met, too. Having stronger, more supportive relationships virtually guarantees that, in a bind, they have people they can count on, which also helps with stress management, and even leads to a healthier body. Contrasting with this, aggressiveness tends to alienate others and create unnecessary stress.

Those on the receiving end of aggressive behavior tend to feel attacked and often avoid the aggressive individual, understandably. Over time, people who behave aggressively tend to have a string of failed relationships and little social support, and they don’t always understand that this is related to their own behavior. Ironically, they often feel like victims, too. Passive people aim to avoid conflict by avoiding communication about their needs and feelings, but these behavior damages relationships in the long run. They may feel like victims, but continue to avoid confrontation, becoming increasingly angry until, when they finally do say something, it comes out aggressively. The other party doesn’t even know there’s a problem until the formerly passive individual virtually explodes! This leads to hard feelings, weaker relationships, and more passivity. How Does One Become More Assertive?:

The first step in becoming more assertive is to take an honest look at yourself and your responses, to see where you currently stand. The answers to the following questions will help clue you in: •Do you have difficulty accepting constructive criticism? •Do you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to requests that you should really say ‘no’ to, just to avoid disappointing people? •Do you have trouble voicing a difference of opinion with others? •Do people tend to feel alienated by your communication style when you do disagree with them? •Do you feel attacked when someone has an opinion different from your own? If you answered yes to several of these, you may benefit from learning assertiveness skills. Knowing where you stand on the assertiveness spectrum, and knowing where you want to be, you can read more on assertiveness training, develop a win-win mentality, and begin becoming more assertive today!