Repentance and Forgiveness

Forgiveness. Who truly understands the meaning behind forgiveness? The dictionary defines “forgive” as to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. However, is that all it really takes to forgive? Forgiveness is a conceptually, psychologically, and morally complex phenomenon that seems to bring forth a different understanding in each individual. In contradistinction to the general idea of forgiveness of another person’s wrongdoing, there is also the internal debate whether self-forgiveness is warranted when you yourself has committed a wrongdoing on another. Together, my views on forgiveness and self-forgiveness must coincide or I would look at myself as nothing less than a hypocrite. In the hardest of situations, to forgive seems almost unthinkable; however, granting forgiveness is crucial because the internal struggle that comes along with not forgiving is damaging to oneself, the pain inflected on the wrongdoer can only be lessened with the blessing of forgiveness, and last due to religious beliefs on forgiving.

The hurt someone causes you, whether it be physical or emotional pain, is often sometimes so hard to bare that it can cause a resentment and anger towards the wrongdoer. When I think of being hurt by someone, there are too many scenarios that run through my head to even imagine how I would possibly react to all of them. However, the extrema of wrongdoings that could be done upon me are always what seem to stick out in my head. There is always the lower end of the scale, that I would never think twice about holding a grudge about. In contrast, I imagine the upper end and think of someone harming my family or close friends and the first thought that comes to my mind is that I would myself want to hurt that person.

However, with much thought and after watching the film on the power of forgiveness in class I began to reconsider my own views on forgiveness. A recent fight with my roommate was the first thing that came to my mind. Being my best friend, the hurt she caused me was so difficult to deal with and most of all instituted so much resentment towards her that it became uncomfortable to be in my own house. It was during this unit of forgiveness, that I realized by holding a grudge against her I was only placing a burden on myself and in the end putting my own happiness at risk. This is when it clicked, that accepting her apology was not merely enough for me to move on. In realization that accepting an apology and forgiving are not synonymous, I worked on forgiving her and since then I have been much more happier. The quote from the Chinese Proverb stating “The Man who opts for revenge should dig two graves” could not be any more accurate.

“Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.” (2 Corinthians 2:5-8) In The Sunflower, Simon Wiesenthal is faced with the ultimate test of forgiveness. The dying Nazi soldier, Karl, asked Simon, a Jew, to exonerate him for his wrongdoings toward the Jewish community so that he could die in peace. Simon never gave an answer before Karl died. The question Simon poses at the end places his very burden on the reader, and creates an internal debate whether in that very moment forgiveness would have been granted or if the same course Simon followed would have too been taken.

When I took the time to ponder Simon’s question, I first placed myself in Karl’s shoes. In all confrontations, the first thing I do is place myself in the opposing sides shoes so that I can really try to understand both perspectives. In doing this, I truly felt sorrow for Karl. I cannot imagine devoting my life to something so horrible as to killing off a human race, realizing on my death bed how horrible it was, and repenting and expressing my deepest sorrow to one of that very race only to not be granted the forgiveness I was asking for. The sorrow that Karl must have felt in not redeeming himself to a Jew before he died, must have been so overwhelming and truly seems like a miserable way to end a life. Therefore, I truly believe that it is best to forgive to grant comfort to a wrongdoer amidst a world of sorrow they are already drowning in.

Religion plays a huge part in the virtue of forgiveness. In the Essay on Forgiveness, C.S. Lewis states that “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” It is a common belief that to be forgiven, you must forgive others. One must confess and repent for the sins they have done in order for God to grant you the forgiveness and restore a good relationship with Him. Many skeptics of Christianity often argue that there is an undeniable difference between the relationship with a divine being and a human being, but would you not expect the same kind of confession of wrongdoing and repent from a human being that God expects from us? I would most definitely have the same expectations, because without a true expression of sorrow it would be nearly impossible to truly forgive with no lingering sense of resentment. However, once this has been done forgiveness can be granted and thus God too can forgive you for your sins.

Forgiveness as hard as it may be has many redeeming qualities that must be acknowledged in even the darkest of situations. Nothing but positive comes as a byproduct of forgiving for both the wrongdoer and the person who had a wrong done upon them. An emotional link bounds you to a person when resentment is in the picture, and the only way to truly break that bond is by forgiving and therefore freeing yourself from an emotional ride with the wrongdoer. At the same time, it is important to grant burden on the offender to give them comfort in a time that they could feel as if the whole world is against them. Lastly, God will only accept you with your sins if that forgiveness has been granted to others by you.