My ideal vacation

Sometimes, the things that we can’t change end up changing ourselves; either for the better or for the worse. However, within my situation I changed for the better. It was one day after school, during my 7th grade year. I received a call from my mom while she was on her way to pick me up. She calmly says “Keena, I have news for you.” While on the phone, I beg her to tell me; but she refuses and demands me to wait. My anxiousness kept me impatient while waiting for my mother. She finally arrives, and I hurriedly ran to her car. I expected an excited look on my mom’s face; instead she had somewhat of a frown. Straightforwardly my mother says she is pregnant. At that moment, I had no idea how to react to her news. Feelings of mixed emotions scurried through my mind, the feelings of shock, sadness, disappointment and freight.

Reason why I felt that way is because my brother Kyle, who was born after me are only four years apart. We’ve never expected another addition to our family after so long. After hearing the news that my mother was pregnant after 10 years put us all in shock, including my mom herself. Everything was just unexpected. Once my mom and I got home that day, I felt buried with my emotions. At that moment I couldn’t hold in my tears any longer and I started to ask my mom a whole bunch of unnecessary questions. I felt as if she was being interrogated because she was just silent the whole time. It was obvious that my mom was just as disappointed as I was, but she accepted it because there was really nothing she could do about it.

At that moment, I remember her telling me in a wretched tone, “If you’re unwilling to take responsibility towards this child, I won’t force you to.” It was as if my heart slightly dropped while I heard those words. Knowing the type of heart my mom has; I knew she wanted to keep the baby nonetheless. It took time for me to finally accept the fact that not only would I have another sibling after 10 years, but as well as additional responsibilities as the eldest child. Every night before I went to bed, I’d always think of how much my family and I’s life would change when the baby comes. I knew that I’d have to go through a lot of adjustment and change. As each day went by, the emotions of anger and disappointment that I felt gradually went away.

Instead, I started to feel a sense of excitement. Just like any other person who is expecting an addition to their family, I begin to think of baby names and was always concerned as to what the gender of my sibling was. As a daughter, I continue to assist my mother throughout her pregnancy while my father was off-island most of the time for job related reasons. I wanted nothing but good health for my mom and the baby. Counting the months down started to become a habit, my inner self was constantly filled with so much enthusiasm. The countdown to the expected date my mom was going to give birth came closer.

Towards the last week of the 9th month of my mother’s pregnancy, she began complaining about frequent contractions, and so we rushed her to the hospital. I accompanied my mom during her time in labor, and the lack of sleep did not seem to bother me at all. I would constantly joke around with her and say “Mom, will you just pop already?!” My mother was in a lot of pain, yet she still managed to laugh and keep a smile on her face. That whole night she was on labor went by quickly. Little did we know she was ready to give birth the next morning.

May 24, 2009 was the day my baby brother was born at CHC hospital on Saipan. At that very moment, not only did I feel excited; but was also nervous in a way. Continuously worrying for the health of my mom and the baby. While my family and I were in the waiting room, I could barely stay seated on my chair because I felt very impatient at that time and would constantly get up and peak at the door where I knew my mom would come out laying on the gurney while being accompanied by nurses. I continued to pray that my mom and brother would be set in good health conditions. A few minutes after my brother was born, we got the chance to see him in the nursery. While staring at him in awe, I noticed that he was very white complected, and had eyes that looked like the size of enlarged almonds. He was just simply adorable.

My smile was uncontrollable when I caught my baby brother smirking for a second and saw that he had the same little dimple as me. While my family and I patiently waited for the doctor and my brother to come into my mom’s room my dad suggested that the name he wants for my baby brother will be Keagan. My mom, kyle and I happily agreed to my dad’s choice of name. The doctor finally comes in with a nurse who was holding Keagan, she gently hands my baby brother to my mom. As the nurse leaves the room, I noticed that my mom’s doctor had some type of dismayed look on her face. She disappointingly announces that Keagan is diagnosed with Down syndrome. We were all in shock; speechless for a moment, and did not expect such news.

During my mom’s pregnancy, she did the amniocentesis test. This is a test that screens for abnormalities in a fetus. My mother’s results were all normal, and no abnormality was detected. This explains why we were all surprised when the doctor told us about Keagan’s condition. A sudden drop in my heart is what I felt within me, as if the weight of sadness and disappointment caused it to drop. I abruptly broke down when the doctor left the room. It was difficult to hold in my tears after hearing about my brother’s condition. My family was in complete silence as they tear a bit as well. Tears run down my mother’s eyes while she tries to speak and tells us “we just have to accept the condition Keagan is in, the least we could is provide him with all of the love and care he needs.” I closed my eyes and I started to pray.

I prayed that my family would be blessed with the strength to remain strong and accept the challenge that life has brought to us. When my dad spoke to my brother kyle and I, he tells us to perceive everything as a blessing, because God did not bring Keagan into our lives for no reason. A few minutes later, I asked my mom if I could hold Keagan. She carefully puts Keagan on my arms. He was asleep so soundly and looked so peaceful. My love for my brother automatically grew. In my eyes I knew for a fact that I would never compare my brother to other children, because he is just as normal and special as them.

It took time for my family and I to accept the fact that my baby brother was diagnosed with Down syndrome. We knew that Keagan would always need special and extra care. There were times I was always frightened about the future. Fearing the fact that as he continues to grow up he’d be discriminated and seen differently by others. Thinking about the judgments and discrimination that my brother would go through agonized me. It was an unexpected situation that came into my family’s life. We weren’t mentally ready to face a challenge like this. It was hard to accept a situation where a family member we’ve been psyched to meet ended up having some type of disability. It was a huge challenge that my family and I had to face.

Knowing that I am the eldest, I knew that I had even greater responsibilities as an older sister to my baby brother. Recalling one of those sleepless nights where I’d lay in bed and gaze at my ceiling, I remembered the little girl I was towards children with special needs. One who was always petrified whenever I was near one. A sudden feeling of fright would hit me when I’d be near a person with a disability thinking they’d do something to harm me. I always wondered why a child with special needs looked or acted a certain way; and I usually tend to see them differently. Remembering the time I told myself how hard it would be if I were to take care of a person with a disability, made me realize that the obstacles I would go through while caring for my brother will only change me for the better, consequently help me understand other children with special need as well.

When Keagan was born, I felt as if the whole world around me changed. This situation that I faced and continue to face in life has been a great turning point in life for me. It has changed me in many ways. I began to understand why children with special needs act a certain way, and my perspective towards them changed for the better. Because of the experiences my family and myself went and continue to go through with my brother, I learn to become patient and understanding. My heart has grown bigger for children with special needs. Throughout the struggles we go through while raising my baby brother, every obstacle has made me stronger. Not only do I continue to stay patient throughout my brother’s progress, but I’ve learned to gain patience in life and ignore the negativity. I’ve come realized that the good things in life come with patience and a positive mind; and that the only disability in life is a bad attitude.