Love Styles of Sociologist John Alan Lee
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Using sociologist John Alan Lee’s love styles (refer to pages 261- 263 of Intimate Relationships, and pay special attention to Table 8.7 ‘Styles of Loving’ found on the top of page 262) from chapter eight of ‘Intimate Relationships’, what is the predominant love style for most of the characters presented in the book, Confusing Love with Obsession. During chapter eight of our primary text “Intimate Relationships” it is discussed and shows a table of varying love styles. The table shows different manifestations of experiences and feelings people have towards there loved ones. Out of the six different styles, to me, Mania is the love style most present in the text “Confusing Love with Obsession”. Mania is described as a demanding style, very possessive and full of fantasies and obsessive behaviors. A good portion of characters within the book showed these qualities. Some of the stories told showed extreme possessiveness with separation anxiety from their loved one. Also that their loved one only needed them and no one else. Within chapter six of Confusing Love with Obsession their was stories of people having vivid fantasies of their partner cheating and betraying them when there should have been no reason whatsoever for the person to feel this way.
The person would obsess and obsess and force their partner to come to a solution on what they should do and negate the cheating when it was all in their own head anyway. This chapter also presented the one sidedness and demandingness of the person to their partner and have to reap the consequences once it was too late for their actions. What character if any did you identify with most from the book? This can be either yourself or someone you know. Personally, for me I can identify most with Randy. I can identify most with Randy because I was involved in a situation similar to his with a close friend of mine. One of my better friends who I have known since I was just a boy had started to date this new girl. This girl wasn’t familiar to us as she had moved to town for University from another city. The girl we will call “Jane” would frown upon him and scold him for spending too much time with us and not answering his texts fast enough. This got to the point where she would text message us if my friend did not answer fast enough for her liking and ask where he was and if he was still with us.
At this point again it was taking a toll on our whole friend group and we would sit down with our friend to talk about Jane and how to fix the situation. We came to some conclusions. But no matter what he felt as if even if he were with her all day she would be nervous about something he had done even in the past. With this the inevitable came and Jane and my friend split ways. She continued her obsession with calls and texts saying he has found someone new already and that he had never loved her, but with time she moved on. Briefly outline the characteristics of the Obsessive Love Wheel at each stage of the wheel. During chapter seven of our secondary text “Confusing Love with Obsession” the obsessive love wheel is discussed. The focus of this is on the (ORP) or the Obsessive Relational Progression of the relationship, this is also the progression of an unhealthy relationship attachment to intimate lovers.. The wheel is broken up to into four different sections Attraction Phase, Anxiety Phase, Obsession Phase, and Destruction Phase. First of all, the attraction phase which is the initial phase and is characterized by an immediate and instantaneous attraction to another person.
This includes wild thoughts of eternal togetherness and immediate urge to rush into the relationship regardless of compatibility. The second phase, the anxiety phase is considered a relational turning point and usually occur after a commitment has been made between the two loved ones. This includes monogamy, engagement and marriage. Characteristics of this phase include high levels of anxiety and miss trust. Third of all, the obsession phase has a type of fire to it. In this stage the following traits are usually present. Tunnel vision, this meaning we can not stop thinking about our obsession. Other traits include rapid telephone calls and violence, this can include physical and psychological attacks. The final phase is the destructive phase. This is the final stage of the obsessive relational discussion and it is during this phase that the ultimate destruction of the relationship takes place. Most of this resulting from phase three behaviors.
Traits of this phase include overwhelming depression, drug withdrawal symptoms including tremors, chills and hallucinations. After reading the book, what knowledge did you gain about love addiction? This book was for me a first of its, I guess, genre for me. I think a lot of the traits and phases described opened my eyes to how common these actually are in society and in our own lives. Understanding the reasons why such things happen and to know possible outcomes before they present themselves is an invaluable asset to carry with you. I can see myself utilizing these now skills that I have learned about in my own relationships obviously to my advantage but if need use them to stop a confrontation before it gets to be too bad. Being able to understand the love wheel will also help me tremendously.
Too know that it is always spinning and sometimes faster and sometimes slower makes me ponder more where I will be in my relationships at certain points and what I need to do to stay in a certain phase or fast forward out of one the best I can. . The book showed me that seeking assistance is not a. bad thing to have to do especially when things get to extreme and you can not help yourself so to speak. Overall I think the fact that I can self reflect on this book and chapters is very meaningful to not only me but people I will have relationships with in the future. The biggest thing I may take away from this book is how people react in situations and carry themselves to achieve a certain goal and being able to see relationships from a different point of view. The layers and certain points of relationships are crucial and are an invaluable knowledge.