Expecting Too Much on Children

Every parent hopes to see their children become a great person in the future. In order to develop their children into a superior kid, they spend lots of time, effort and money on them since they were young. This is leading to an over expectation on children which create tension between parents and children. Parents should set a positive and realistic expectation on their children because expecting too much on them would result in negative self-image, discouragement and anxiety.

Having too high expectation on children can have bad influence to their self-image. As they always fail to meet the expectation, they may think that they are loser and lost their self-confident. This is negatively affecting the personal development of the children, they may not be able to finish difficult tasks in their future career path and cannot get along well with the others because they look down on themselves. To help them building their confidence, parents should not always criticise and blame their children. Try to praise good work and appreciate them when they demonstrate improvement.

Moreover, children would be discouraged under over-expectation. “That doesn’t mean they’re unable to achieve those expectations; it only means that they don’t believe they can”, said by Sylvia Rimm, Ph.D. If the children do not believe in their abilities, they would give up easily and would not try hard to achieve their goals. Therefore they cannot achieve the expectations even they have the abilities to deliver on them. Parents should show their support and encourage them when they have difficulties.

Children would also suffer from anxiety and depression due to the constant failure of achieving high expectations. They may hate themselves, feel worthless and unable to forgive themselves when they cannot perform well. To them, their parents are “Tiger mom and dad” who just often yell at them, cannot understand them and do not care about their feelings. They feel more and more stressful and finally become angry teenagers who just want to repel the “tigers”. As a result, the relationship between the children and parents turn bad. Remember, always try to communicate with your children patiently. If you have more than one children, do not compare them because it hurts their feelings.

Some people may think that the high expectation set on a child would help them to become more successful. In fact, it does not really help much if he can not meet the expectation. In contrast, it may damage their self-confident and make them feeling depressed. Baba, a well-respected businessman in Afghan, is setting a high expectation on his son, Amir. Baba is not being patient to Amir does not understand his son enough. He does not support Amir to become a writer even he gets talent in writing. “And what will you do while you wait to get good and get discovered?”(scene eleven) His discouragement may lead to a waste of Amir’s talent and create a communication gap between them. Besides, Baba said “If i hadn’t seen the doctor pull him out of my wife with my own eyes. I’d never believe he’s my son.” ( scene 2. p.25). He feels shame of his son just because he could not perform well. It affects the development of self image of his son and hurt his feelings.

To solve the problems, Baba should change his perspective. He needs to have more communication with his son in order to understand him. If being a writer is the dream of his son, he should encourage him and stand by his side. Also, he should be more considerate, responsible and patient to his son. He can teach his son and guide him up, this would help him to build up a better personality.

All in all, over expectation on children can destroy their confidence, reduce their motivation and affect their emotion. Family should support and understand each other, we have to minimize conflicts by showing our love and being patient. No one is perfect, so do not push too hard and put too much pressure on his son. People cannot perform the best when feeling stress. If you figure out you are expecting too much on your children, try to set a positive and realistic expectation on them. You have to lower your expectations “gradually” and state them directly to your children. Give children time for adjustment (Maybe it is hard to do push-up for twenty times if you have never try it before, so you can do ten times first, and then you will feel more comfortable to do more and more after a period of training) It would be so much better if parents can spend more time to communicate with their children, guide him up more patiently and support them to fight for what they wants in their life. For all parents, it is time to take action, let’s show your love to them in a positive way!

Reference:

“HIGH EXPECTATIONS ENCOURAGE ACHIEVEMENT” by Dr. Sylvia Rimm, 2010, Family Achievement Clinic, >