Mobile Phone Speech

Boys, girls, classmates why are we ridden with them? Why do they resort to crime? Unfit lazy children are the things I’m talking about. Sport is our answer. I’ve seen old ladies being robbed. I’ve seen children spend days on end in front of the television. I have helped obese people get better. I have studied sports science. I understand the human body and it needs three things other than food water and oxygen. Exercise, exercise and exercise.

Are you happy with the way you are? No. And for 85% of you the reason you are not happy with yourself is because of your weight and lack of fitness. We all agree that our lives are hampered with lazy lummoxes whose only reason to move is for the TV controls or for yet another bag of crisps. We are having to pay more taxes because hospitals are having to spend more money on sturdier beds because the old ones cannot support this fat generation. Our bodies have become incapable, incompetent and immobile. We are over run with disgraceful yobs whose entertainment comes from crime or “happy slapping” as it’s known. We only bring fatness, misery and ASBO s upon ourselves. This is our life.

Can we do anything? Is there a cure? Yes there is….. sport. We can be fit and healthy. We can have no criminals savaging our streets looking for entertainment, because they will be entertained. Sport can give us what we want. Whether it’s rugby, football. netball, hockey, basketball, cricket, rounders, baseball, tennis, softball, athletics, squash, rowing, swimming or many other sports. We will all be fit and healthy. Sport can help us burn off the fat. The sport can help distract young criminals. The future is bright if you join me; we can, we will be fit and healthy.

We still continue like this. Why? Laziness is making us turn on the microwaves for ready meals. Laziness is causing us look for crime for entertainment because we can’t get off our arses. It’s what hampers us all. If we have no laziness we will live a happier and longer life. It’s killing us all. We will have nothing if we continue. Laziness is our enemy.

You Ed how many fatty snacks have you had? And what have you gained apart from weight? Exactly you have no answer. And you Danny how many times have you said I can’t be bothered to do this sport club I can’t be bothered to do that sport club, so you can just slob about instead? And you Callum how many times have you plodded, because you can’t run, to the front of the queue to purchase greasy chips? And Gabby how many times have you been out on the streets and committed what’s known as petty crimes? You know what I mean. And all of you, ask yourself, what for?

We can do this. Our answer is sport. Why not this? Wednesday afternoons we should have compulsory sport. Or from reception right until you leave school, yes all the way up, we should have three hours of compulsory sport a week. These are all realistic, reasonable and reliable suggestions.

We all want the same things. We all have the same aims. Let’s work together. I can’t reiterate the point enough, exercise and sport are essential. We are all unanimous and we all stand as one. We can and will win this battle against laziness. Sport will be our weapon, our missile, our bomb, our grenade and it will spearhead our victory.

This problem must be tackled. I understand these things. When I was young I saw people suffer because they were over weight or young offenders. If you are sensible or normal or both you will join me and we will win.