Mate

In 2015, a fire grew in my soul. It was a fire that was trapped inside and couldn’t come out. The fire was created by someone who was supposed to love and care for me but never did. The person who was supposed to lead me on a good path in life and teach me to do good things, but never did this either. The person is my father, the cause of darkness in part of my life. The man I was supposed to look up to, I looked down upon. Through the conflict, I had to learn to extinguish the flame and become a light that shined through the darkness. My mother and father divorced when I was 2 and my mother got custody. At first, I didn’t have to see my father that much, but as I got older I had to go every other weekend. I never wanted to go, I always hated going since I never did anything down there anyway. I was alone all the time, basically, I was an outcast down there. My mom died when I was eight and that was a dark moment in my life, then my father started the fire after she passed away. At that moment he wanted to step up and have me live with him even though custody was going to my grandparents.

My grandparents stopped him and after that, I wouldn’t talk to him, or go to see him. Eventually, I did, but not willingly. In seventh grade, he told me to come when I wanted to even though he was supposed to set up dates, not me. Him telling me to come when I wanted to made me feel bad afterwards. I always felt that I didn’t matter to him anyway and this proved it. Since he had another kid after the divorce with someone else, I felt second to her anyway. She got everything on every occasion and I got nothing. My grandma called him close to Christmas to ask him if he wanted me to come to his house for Christmas. He said it was up to me, so I said no. All I wanted was for him to say yes and prove that he cared, but he proved that he didn’t once again. My grandparents talked to me and helped me get through some of it, but I couldn’t really just move past it. The whole ordeal made me angry to even think about it and if anyone mentioned him I would get mad. I wanted nothing to do with him or anybody close to him after that. The constant anger made me have outbursts at my grandparents which made me feel bad since they didn’t do anything.

There was one person that made me feel bad and I wanted to confront him about it. My grandparents share the feeling that I do and helped me get through it. I eventually got out of it and moved on. I’m happy living with my grandparents and appreciate everything they have done for me. They are basically my mother and father now. I always looked up to my grandpa anyway because he was the only male role model I was around and I’m happy that I did and still do. I realized that I should just go on with my life and stop worrying about everything. This made my relationship with my grandparents better. They know that I don’t like talking about it, so they don’t. They don’t want to hurt me more and open old wounds. I ultimately realized that I have two great people at home and that is all that matters. They are the ones I should focus on.