Global Warming and Popular Crude Oil
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Summary of Writing:
This essay is a persuasive essay focusing on three ways humans have caused global warming: energy usage, deforestation, and industries.
Strengths of the writing:
Abigail, this essay includes information from research: Global warming is greatly impacted by these factors all caused by man, and according to the ‘’National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), statistics show the since May 2013, the average daily carbon dioxide in the air had reached a concentration of 400 parts per million, and these changes have been caused by human activity.’’ When you include information such as this, the reader gets a clearer picture of what others are saying about this topic.
Right now, this draft does not have many details. This is a problem because readers need specifics to help them understand this topic fully. To improve this draft, add additional details. Readers need specific details to support the argument made in this paper. Each point mentioned needs to be explained with details or examples. The goal, when revising, is to find places in the paper where more specifics can be added.
Here’s one way to do this:
* Go back through the paper, looking for any places specifics can be added. * Add descriptions or examples that back up the points.
* Decide where to put examples and then introduce and explain each example. This helps the reader understand why that particular example connects to the overall message of the paper. * It might help to think of it as an example “sandwich”: each example (the filling) needs to be surrounded by words (the bread). Using words around examples helps the reader understand why that particular example connects to the overall message (thesis) of this paper. * Here’s an example. Your text is in black and my suggestions are in blue font: As increasingly popular crude oil and coal is to produce energy, alternative ways such as using renewable energy should be introduced, as this not only reduces the amount of carbon dioxide in the air, but it also allows us as consumers to continuously use the same form of energy. An example of this is ______. This shows _____ because __________. * By adding an example here, you help readers understand this point. * Look for other areas where examples or details are needed throughout your paper. Make sure that each reason you mention includes these details and examples and, if one point in your paper does not, make sure you add it when you revise.
In this draft, there is no one sentence that tells me for sure what this paper is about. This is a problem because essays without a clear thesis/main idea are confusing—readers won’t know what to expect in this essay. Think of it as a road map to let them know what aspects of the topic will be in the essay. A reader looks for a thesis sentence to help them figure out what the paper will discuss. Right now, I can’t find a thesis in this draft.
Here’s an easy way to figure out the thesis:
* Read over the paper and, in the margins, write what that paragraph is about in a word or two beside each paragraph. This could also be a list, using a new line for each paragraph. * Go through the entire paper, looking at the topics written down. Try to figure out which ones are more important and group any of them together. * These topics are basically an outline of what the paper covers. Use them to write the thesis. * For example, you might end up with a sentence that looks something like this: Global warming is ___________ because _____, ______, and _______. You would fill in the blanks with the topics your paper discusses. Now readers know the topic and what this paper will focus on. After revising the thesis, place it at the end of the first paragraph.
1. Add additional examples throughout the essay to give readers specific details. 2. Introduce and explain each example, telling readers why it
connects to the main point of this essay. 3. Revise the thesis so it gives readers a clear idea what this paper will discuss. 4. Proofread and spell-check your revised draft to catch misspellings and other mistakes. 5. Bearing in mind your remaining submissions and your draft deadline, please consider submitting your revision to Pearson Tutor Services for additional feedback.
Abigail, thanks for letting me read this essay. Good luck with this and any other writings you do this year.
Professor Jitendra Shalin
College English (Administration) (Administration)
August 3, 2013
Human Beings cause Global Warming
Global warming a very controversial topic debated by many is defined as the gradual increase of the earth’s atmospheric temperature, caused by the production of energy, industrialization and forestry. Global warming is greatly impacted by these factors all caused by man, and according to the ‘’National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), statistics show that since May 2013, the average daily carbon dioxide in the air had reached a concentration of 400 parts per million, all as a result of human activity.’’ Global warming is impacted solely by energy, industrialization and deforestation causing a worldwide increase in the earth’s temperature while destroying the natural habitat of animals, plants and human life. Energy supply, one of the main factors of global warming, involves the production of energy by coal and oil, and as this is the main source of energy worldwide. It is becoming increasingly more harmful and corrosive to the ozone layer which therefore encourages more global warming.
As increasingly popular crude oil and coal is to produce energy, alternative ways such as using renewable energy should be introduced, as this not only reduces the amount of carbon dioxide in the air, but it also allows us as consumers to continuously use the same form of energy. Some examples of renewable energy are wind, solar and hydroelectricity and these are ‘’green’’ alternatives to use non-renewable energy, which is safe for the environment and uses less energy. Deforestation is becoming a continuous concern amongst all individuals, especially environmentalists, as this is creating more carbon pollution than coal, gas and oil (National Resources Defense Council). Deforestation involves the removal, cutting, clearing of trees from forests, pasture, cropland and this process not only affects the natural habitat of trees, but the ecosystem of animals, insects and wildlife.
Deforestation is solely caused by human activity and this should be greatly reduced if have the objective in mind to reduce global warming. Deforestation also increases global warming by exposing the land and humans to high rates of carbon dioxide, as trees aid in removing carbon dioxide and provides us with oxygen and if this continuously occurs, not only are we exposed to more of the harmful rays of the sun, but we’ll be more exposed to harmful gases in the atmosphere.
Industries are also creating pollution and increasing global warming, and what’s worse is that some of the chemicals that are produced produce caseinogens. These chemicals all affect the ozone layer as a result. We know the ozone layer is made of O3 and about 30% is burned away which leads to greater amounts of sunlight to hit the earth’s surface. This constant bombardment creates an influx to global temperatures which leads to the melting of the arctic tundra, resulting in an increase in the world’s ocean level. All these factors are caused by man and the only alternative here is to instill renewable forms of energy, such as hydroelectric, solar and wind. These will not only improve the air in which we breathe, but it will significantly reduce the effect of global warming and improve human life.
NEWS. ‘’Global Climate Change.’’ National Aeronautics and Space Administration, 13 June 2013. Web. 03 Aug. 2013. <http://climate.nasa.gov/news/958>. Deforestation Facts.” Deforestation Facts – What Is Deforestation?’’ National Resources Defense Council, 06 June 2013. Web. 03 Aug. 2013. <http://www.nrdc.org/energy/forestsnotfuel/>.